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I do not trust people who don’t love themselves and yet tell me, ‘I love you.’ There is an African saying which is: Be careful when a naked person offers you a shirt.
Hilary tells me that women say that they need three husbands in their lifetimes. As a young woman, they need an adventurer. As a mother, they need a father to their children. And as an older woman, they need a companion, a steady type of guy. If you can fill those roles over the course of decades, you’re in luck.
My husband didn’t have much hair, but he knew how to be generous and kind and gentle.
THE ANGRY THERAPIST: What is your definition of love?
First, I believe there are two types of love. Healthy and unhealthy. Unhealthy love is being powerless, selfish, and enabling. It has no boundaries. Unhealthy love is unconditional and yet contingent. It is immature, irresponsible, and dependent. Unhealthy love is urgent. There is a desperation behind it which produces manipulation and compromise of self. Unhealthy love is a pissing contest, a tug of war, a mute silence, and a kick stand. It is obvious. Unhealthy love promotes the false self and stunts growth. It is a drug.
Healthy love is a choice. It is something you decide to give as a gift. It has conditions, that shape the self and strengthens the other. Healthy love is feeling powerful and independent. Is is grilled cheese and vegetable soup on a rainy day but not every day. Healthy love is patient, kind, and accepting. Healthy love requires a tremendous amount of responsibility which involves communication on all levels and constant reflection. It is building trust, having faith, and holding a commitment. Healthy love promotes growth and two strong containers. Healthy love is rare.
Happy Valentine’s Day blog world!
